


How Many Plates Of Prawn Crackers Can You Order Before Being Charged

by Ashimattack



Series: Fragments [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Multi, i don't know what this is, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7375327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashimattack/pseuds/Ashimattack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey Tsukki,” said Bokuto, “what time do you get off?”</p><p>Tsukishima stared at him blankly for a moment.</p><p>“I always get off at 10…” he said, “you know this what are you..?”</p><p>“Can I watch?” Bokuto lazily grinned and Tsukishima could have screamed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Many Plates Of Prawn Crackers Can You Order Before Being Charged

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man this took so long to write, sorry!!
> 
> Once again this is mostly based on things that have happened to me, hope you enjoy :)

Tsukishima sighed as he cleaned the mess that Kageyama had made of the coffee machine while the other boy apologised profusely. Kageyama had been working at the restaurant for so long now and no longer had an excuse to be terrible at everything ever. How had no one taught him to make coffee yet? Even so, how did he not know how to use one of these machines already? It's a ridiculously simple design; there are literally instructions on the side! With numbers! While he’s at it, who on earth orders a cappuccino at a Chinese restaurant anyway? With light milk? Are you serious? Just get tea like a normal person.

He heard someone nearby clearing their throat and he sighed, annoyed that his internal monologue of near constant bitching had been interrupted and looked up to see that Kageyama was still standing there.

“What have you done now,” he asked flatly and Kageyama grumbled a little and looked at his shoes.

“Boss said you need to show me how to do it,” he muttered and Tsukishima sighed again, cursing his entire existence.

He guessed he should at least be grateful that Kageyama had been banned from working Saturdays. Saturdays were their busiest night by far at the surprisingly popular restaurant and Kageyama’s constant mistakes made the night so much harder on everybody else.

This wasn’t actually the reason he had been banned from working Saturdays of course, that would be because of Yachi.

Well, because of the elderly Hungarian Gentleman who comes in every Saturday night, sits at the same table, orders the same meal and is not very secretive about the fact that he only comes in because he appreciates “good looking blondes”. The guy was pretty harmless and Yachi somehow managed to laugh it off every single time; Tsukishima was just grateful that this attention had never been sent his way. Kageyama didn’t take this in such stride and would flare with anger every time the guy so much as looked towards his girlfriend. Tsukishima had to agree that if it was one of his partners in the same position he’d probably act similarly, but nevertheless their boss had decided it was for the best if Kageyama and Yachi stop working shifts together (well that and because of the time the two of them had taken far too long emptying ice cube trays out the back and Tsukishima honestly did not want to know what had been happening back there, only that he was surprised).

Anyway, all that didn't help him with his current predicament, which was teaching his mostly useless co-worker how to make coffee. He groaned and got to it. They didn’t talk while Tsukishima helped Kageyama make the coffee and afterwards Tsukishima made Kageyama be the one to take it to the table (he was always nervous about carrying hot liquidy things: he would never forget the time Yachi spilled hot soup all down the front of a table on New Years Eve once- the customer had been completely fine but he didn’t think Yachi had ever quite recovered).  
Tsukishima sighed when Kageyama scrambled off and took the single step it took to get to the other side of the bar (it really wasn't very big) in order to drink some of his tea. He didn’t really mind his job so much, sure there were annoying co workers, entitled customers and creepy Hungarian gentlemen to watch out for, but overall he liked the atmosphere and his bosses were really quite nice. He mostly just liked to complain.

There was a slight clearing of the throat beside him and he sighed before looking down to where Kageyama had decided once again to interrupt his internal monologue.

“What have you done now?” he asked flatly and this time Kageyama looked a little offended.

“I didn’t do anything, I just thought you might like a little warning is all,” Kageyama said and the look on his face sent chills down Tsukishima’s spine.

“Warning about what?” he was almost afraid to ask.

“Some customers just walked in,” Kageyama answered lowly, “and they requested that you be their server.”

Tsukishima’s blood ran cold as he considered there was only really one possibility for that but he shook his head and refused to believe it. They wouldn’t. They knew what would happen if they did but as he darted out of the bar and into the other room his worst fears were confirmed as four people he really didn’t want to see in this context were standing before him.

“Tsukki!” came Kuroo’s excited cry upon seeing his boyfriend.

“No way! You look so handsome!” said Bokuto excitedly, Kuroo hummed in agreement and Oikawa just sniggered.

“No,” said Tsukishima flatly, “you need to leave now.”

“Tsukishima!” hissed his manager, “that is no way to speak to your boyfriend.”

Tsukishima sighed. Whenever they got food from here it was always either Tsukishima or Akaashi getting it (Tsukishima had banned the other two from stepping foot in the establishment ever) because of this she knew about Akaashi but not about the other two which Tsukishima was pretty unhappy about. It wasn’t that Tsukishima was ashamed of his boyfriends per say, he just didn’t like people knowing about his private life (although their somewhat shameful behaviour made him all the more grateful that his work only knew about the existence of Akaashi, who was usually the more tamer of the three Tsukishima shot him a glare that was returned with fervour.)

Tsukishima’s heart stopped a little bit at his boyfriend’s obviously displeased expression as he searched his memories for whatever he had done to piss the other off so much. Right now Akaashi was barely even looking at him and come to think of it, Akaashi had been especially distant to him all weekend.

Right now his manager was cooing over Akaashi, commenting about how he’d only gotten more handsome since she’d last seen him and Kageyama was off breaking some wine glasses or getting someone’s order wrong so Tsukishima just sighed and grabbed some menus.

“You guys can have this table in the corner,” he said as he led them (far) away from the rest of the crowd in the restaurant.

“What? But then you’ll just have to vacuum more later!” said Oikawa with a conspiratorial grin, “we’re happy to be near everyone else.”

“Actually if we could get a table with a Lazy Susan that’d be great!’ said Kuroo eagerly, “my friend here likes to spin them and knock everyone’s drinks down.”

Tsukishima’s eye twitched.

See, Tsukishima loves to complain, it’s like his greatest hobby, if there was to be an Olympic sport made out of complaining Tsukishima would surely take silver, then complain so much that they handed him the gold and bronze medals too. His favourite thing to complain about is work because there is just so much to complain about, he’d always assumed that his boyfriends never actually listened to his complaining and instead tuned it out like white noise, but apparently they did listen (and Oikawa too apparently) and now they were here to prove exactly how much they’d listened to him complaining about tables of four coming in and demanding a lazy susan, which were only situated on tables seated for 6 and above, meaning that there’d be more clean up. Tsukishima suppressed a groan and forced a smile instead.

“Of course,” he said in a pleasant tone, knowing his manager could hear his every word. The four in front of him stared wordlessly before grinning simultaneously.

\--

“Okay can I have the sizzling beef but without onion?” asked Oikawa.

“Which sauce?” asked Tsukishima flatly and Oikawa raised an eye brow at him.

“What sauces are there?” he asked without motioning to open his menu again. Tsukishima sighed and listed all the options that Oikawa knew were listed in the menu on the same page as the beef. Oikawa just listened intently.

“Can you repeat those please?” he asked politely and Tsukishima gritted his teeth and wrote down black bean on his writing pad. Oikawa pouted and Tsukishima turned to Bokuto, who was simply staring at him in wonder with Kuroo.

“I just can’t believe,” Bokuto said in complete awe, “we are so blessed.”

“So blessed,” repeated Kuroo, not looking away from Tsukishima.

Tsukishima just sighed.

“How did you guys even find out?” he asked, cursing himself slightly (he was so careful).

“Yachi told us,” said Kuroo with a grin, “it was an accident though.”

Tsukishima cursed even more, he couldn’t get angry at Yachi, it was damn near impossible, she was just too cute.

“How do you accidentally spill something like that?” he asked through clenched teeth.

“We were talking about work and she happened to let slip that you look so handsome at work and why doesn’t he wear contact lenses more often?” said Bokuto in a poor imitation of Yachi’s voice.

“Obviously we were intrigued, how could you have been keeping something like this from us? And for how long? And why?” asked Kuroo.

“The steam from the sizzling plates fogs up my glasses,” said Tsukishima, remembering an unfortunate experience where he hadn’t seen where he was going and had tripped, “so I started wearing contacts at work.”

“But why the secrecy?” asked Kuroo dramatically, “Surely it’d be easier to put them on at home than in the car before work?”

“They’re annoying so the less time spent wearing them the better,” hissed out Tsukishima, “also I wanted to avoid this.”

“What?” asked Oikawa slyly.

“This!” Tsukishima hissed louder whilst motioning towards Bokuto and Kuroo, who were still staring at him with literal hearts in their eyes, he was almost certain he might’ve seen Kuroo snap a picture earlier while he was taking another table, “what do you guys want to eat anyway.”

“You,” said Kuroo with a complete deadpan and Tsukishima just gave him a disgusted look.

“I second that,” piped in Bokuto.

Tsukishima just ignored them both and turned to Akaashi, who was still silent. When Tsukishima caught his eye he felt his blood go cold and he once again wondered what he had done because whatever it was it must’ve been pretty bad. Akaashi’s glare was ice cold. Tsukishima has seen Akaashi angry, he’s seen him livid, he’s seen him covered in fake blood chasing Bokuto down a stairway wielding a fake axe (a prank had gone horribly wrong) but he has never once seen him at this level of rage. Tsukishima might have squeaked.

“What would you like to eat?” he somehow stammered out.

Akaashi just stared at him silently without opening his menu, Tsukishima thought he might’ve heard Oikawa sniggering behind him but he held his ground, even when he felt a hand squeeze at his butt he held eye contact with an enraged Akaashi and felt himself about to be swallowed up In it.

“I just want some coffee,” he said with absolutely no inflection in his tone whatsoever, “a no fat latte with extra espresso. And I’d like a serviette please.”

“Uhh, there’s one in your lap,” Tsukishima stammered weakly.

Akaashi looked down impassively at his lap before looking back up at Tsukishima.

“I’d like another one.” He said with no room for argument.

Tsukishima just nodded and decided not to mention that Akaashi doesn’t even drink coffee. He turned back to Bokuto and Kuroo, who were both shamelessly staring at him still and asked them what they’d like. The two promptly ordered three mains to go with Oikawa’s (each one as annoying and precise as the last), along with some rice.

“Can we get all the mains to come out individually?” asked Oikawa just as Tsukishima was about to leave and Tsukishima just glared at him in response.

Tsukishima brought them their extra prawn crackers and was promptly asked for some water.

He brought them a jug of water and some cups and was asked for a cup of ice.

He brought them a cup of ice and was asked for some forks.

He brought them some forks and was asked for some more prawn crackers.

“Can you guys just order everything at once so I don't have to keep coming back to your table?” he asked them, venom lacing his tone.

“But we’re in the middle of the restaurant anyway,” pointed out Oikawa, “its not like you wouldn’t be coming this way anyway?”

Tsukishima groaned but couldn’t fault them that. They were indeed in the very centre of the restaurant and he had to walk past them every time he brought something to another table. Meaning that every time he went past he felt one of them slap him on the ass. He couldn’t even be sure which one it was since he was pretty certain they were taking turns, he thought he might’ve caught Oikawa doing it at one point.

“Hey Tsukki,” said Bokuto, “what time do you get off?”

Tsukishima stared at him blankly for a moment.

“I always get off at 10…” he said, “you know this what are you..?”

“Can I watch?” Bokuto lazily grinned and Tsukishima could have screamed.

\--

17 butt slaps, 14 extra napkins, 2 bottles of water and their fourth plate of prawn crackers later and Tsukishima was ready to explode.

“How many plates of prawn crackers can they have before I start charging them?” he directed towards his boss.

His boss looked a little taken aback for a moment.

“What number are they on?” he asked.

“Four.” Tsukishima replied.

“It depends on whether you like the table or not really,” he answered.

“I don’t.” he hissed.

“Then charge them a few dollars,” his boss said with a shrug.

Tsukishima grinned when he put the extra cost onto their table but his glee was short lived when he was interrupted by someone behind him clearing their throat.

He sighed, by directing all his anger towards his annoying boyfriends he’d forgotten to keep an eye on his annoying co worker.

“What have you done now,” he asked flatly.

“There’s something in your back pocket,” replied Kageyama, “it’s been there for a while but I figured you’d notice, evidently you did not.”

Tsukishima just stared blankly before reaching into his back pocket, inside he found about three quarters of the paper napkins he’d given to his boyfriends over the course of the night.

 

On each there was a little hand written note that ranged from things like “hey you’re cute” to “I want to slam you against a wall”, each one followed by a little hand drawn emoticon and some stars.

He saw red and scrunched up every single note before marching over to the table. He was livid. He was enraged. He was absolutely 1000000% done with this entire evening. He could lose his job at this point and not care. Screw Yamaguchi and his disappointed look. It’d be worth losing his job over if he got to scream at these assholes right now.

“What the fuck is this,” he hissed in a low voice as he slammed the notes on their table, nearly knocking over one of the (many) bottles of water they had on their table.

“They’re love letters!” said Bokuto cutely. Tsukishima just glared.

“Then why are they all written by Oikawa?” he asked in that same tone.

“We figured you’d recognise our handwriting,” said Kuroo with a shrug.

“But not Oikawa’s? There’re little emojis. He puts hearts on top of his I’s,” continued Tsukishima, “if anything, his handwriting is the most recognisable out of all of you.”

“Hm, that’s a valid point,” said Bokuto with a nod.

“Guys you need to get out. I’m twenty seconds away from actually legitimately murdering every one of you and I don't actually want to go to jail,” said Tsukishima with complete seriousness, “I’ve already planned your deaths to look like accidents and after we get married so I can claim all your money, don’t ruin a perfect plan.”

“Hey don’t blame us,” said Oikawa, probably only piping up in defence of his cutesy handwriting and because Tsukishima just insinuated that they’d be getting married, “all of this was Akaashi’s idea anyway.”

Tsukishima’s mouth hung open in shock as he spun towards Akaashi, who was still glaring.

“You?!” he asked in complete disbelief, “Why??? Why?????? You’re meant to be the sensible one! Why are you so mad at me?”

Akaashi’s eyes got even more narrow as he regarded Tsukishima, who thought he might’ve heard Bokuto laughing a little behind him.

“Do you remember the desktop background you set on my laptop?” Akaashi asked in a low voice.

Tsukishima crinkled his eyes as he strained to remember, it had been a while ago but he had a vague recollection.

“I guess?” he replied.

“Well, I didn’t,” continued Akaashi, “Friday was my last day of professional placement and I had to have my mentor teacher take a look at my lesson plans so he could complete my mentor report. Unfortunately my laptop was flat so I had to plug it in and it was taking a while to load. When I opened it still had the web browser open, which was okay since it was just Facebook but I didn’t want that to be open for too long so I closed it immediately before opening up the next file. But because the laptop was still loading up it took a lot longer than normal.”

Tsukishima gulped when he realised exactly where this story was going. Akaashi’s eyes just sparked as he continued talking.

“Because I closed the browser before opening the word document there was an extended period of time where me and my 60 year old mentor teacher had to stare at my desktop background,” said Akaashi, his tone sounding more and more murderous as he continued, “let me rehash that: we sat and stared at a picture of a penis made out of fireworks for an extended amount of time. So I thought it over and decided that the best course of revenge would be to come here on the night you hate the most and be a combination of every single customer you’ve ever hated.”

“Surely you’ve had your revenge by now though?” Tsukishima was grasping here, “think about it, that story will probably be funny soon.”

Akaashi’s eyes narrowed even further and Tsukishima realised that he might’ve said the wrong thing.

“Yeah, no,” said Akaashi as he held up his cup, “can I get another cup of ice?”

Tsukishima gritted his teeth and took the cup. When he leant forward he felt someone tap his ass again. He sighed and walked to the bar before reaching into his back pocket and finding another note. 

“Meet me in the back room in five minutes (((￣へ￣井)” it read in Oikawa’s cutesy handwriting but he knew it was from Akaashi. Tsukishima sighed and crumpled it up as he was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

“What did you do now,” he asked Kageyama flatly.

“Nothing,” Kageyama said, sounding mildly annoyed, “its just that he’s giving them to me too.”

“What?” asked Tsukishima, surprised.

“Oikawa,” said Kageyama, “he’s giving me notes as well.”

Kageyama held out a napkin “I’m going to destroy you☜(`o´)” it read in Oikawa’s handwriting. Tsukishima scoffed, he had wondered why Oikawa had come along. Although knowing him the others had just suggested they go and be incredibly annoying and he’d jumped right on board.

Tsukishima heard the door to the toilets (and back room) swing open and looked up to see that Akaashi was missing from the table. He awkwardly patted Kageyama on the back as he edged past him in the tiny bar so he could head towards the back room.

He went through the door and took a left into the empty room labeled “staff only”. There was nothing in there except for the back freezer and a lot of cooking supplies. He closed the sliding door behind him and went to turn on the light when he was suddenly slammed into a wall.

“Akaashi?” he managed to grunt out as he tried to free himself from the other’s grip. For all that the other three ribbed on Akaashi was being shorter than them, they had to admit that he was strong. Tsukishima himself was all height and little strength, while Akaashi was compact and lithe muscle: he wasn’t as muscular as Kuroo or Bokuto, but he definitely had Tsukishima beat. Right now he had managed to push Tsukishima so that he was bending slightly, with Akaashi’s murderous face directly in front of his own. Tsukishima gulped and reminded himself that this was not the time to get aroused.

“Akaashi this has to stop,” said Tsukishima, trying to sound more in control than he was, “I’ll make it up to you later okay, I’ll do anything you want just please stop bothering me at work.”

Akaashi looked thoughtful for a moment before he smirked.

“You’ll do anything?” he asked with a grin that would have looked more natural on Kuroo’s face and Tsukishima realized exactly what he had just said.

“Ahh, within reason,” he tried to back track but Akaashi just shook his head.

“That won’t do,” he said, “you said anything, you can’t back out now.”

Tsukishima considered his options for a moment. He didn’t particularly want to put himself at the mercy of a livid Akaashi but he also didn’t particularly want to lose his job. If the guys left now he could spend the last hour of his shift in peace rather than dealing with whatever it was they had planned for their grand finale (and he knew they had something planned, everything so far had been fairly tame compared to what they’ve done in the past, he knew not to underestimate them.)

Tsukishima just sighed and nodded his head.

“Fine,” he said, “you win. Leave now and I’ll do whatever you want when I get home.”

Akaashi grinned at his admission before lessening his grip on the other’s shoulders.

“Okay,” he said simply and made to step back.

Tsukishima gaped in surprise before he grabbed Akaashi’s arms.

“That’s it?” he asked, “You’re just going to leave?”

Akaashi glared at Tsukishima’s hands on his arms, Tsukishima removed them and Akaashi stepped forward again.

“Well you’re half right,” he said, once more in Tsukishima’s personal space, “we are going to leave, but that is definitely not it.”

Tsukishima’s breath caught and he once again reminded himself that this was not the time to get aroused.

“What… what do you have planned exactly?” asked Tsukishima timidly, realizing that this was exactly what Akaashi had planned from the start and that he would be directly responsible for the “grand finale” he had been trying to avoid.

“Well if I told you that it would spoil the fun,” said Akaashi with another grin, “but let’s just say that it's a good thing we’re not going to be finishing our dinner because I’m definitely in the mood for a spit roast.”

Akaashi left the room, sliding the door behind him while Tsukishima just spluttered as he finally collapsed to his knees, wondering just what exactly he had gotten himself into now.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://callingallbutterflies.tumblr.com/)


End file.
